Top Ten Westerns of All Time

There's gonna be enough bushy mustaches to kill a man at thirty yards.

1. The Wild Bunch
The only movie that I can watch Ernest Borgnine in without laughing. To be fair, he did a great job in this movie, but he always just reminds me of someone's uncle who's had too many amaretto sours and tries to touch someone at the high school cheerleader's car wash. But I digress… The Wild Bunch is one of the most ass-kicking movies of all time. Done.

2. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
And so the Eastwood begins. And it's gonna flow like water my friends, cause the man with no name series was awesome. You could put any three of the movies on here, but like the uncreative chump I am, I'm gonna go with the one that everyone else thinks is the best.

3. Unforgiven
Even older Eastwood still scares the crap out of us. Had Clint Eastwood been born 100 years earlier, he would have been exactly the man he plays on screen. He would have killed his enemies with mind bullets of pure awesomeness and heavy metal.

4. The Magnificent Seven
So many great actors playing so many great characters. Yes, I know its just a rip off of the The Seven Samurai, but I love that movie too. Plus, I kind of have a man-crush on Steve McQueen in this movie. And Steve McQueen in Bullit. And in The Great Escape, and Sand Pebbles… hmm… that's not good.

5. Pale Rider
More Clint. He's even hardcore when he plays a man of god. Personally, I think that this is one of the most overlooked westerns, but who cares what I think.

6. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
After this and The Sting, Newman and Redford should have been legally obligated to appear in at least one movie together every other year. I know I'm getting a little off topic, but whatever, its my blog. If you want focus, write your own fucking blog.

7. High Noon
A movie about a man that takes no crap from no one. Not a band of bad guys, not the town folk. Shit, he even kills like 5 dudes between the time he marries his wife and the time that he has sex with her for the first time. That's hardcore.

8. Tombstone
Other than Willow, the best thing Val Kilmer has ever done. I would say that he makes this movie, but Russell and Paxton do a damn fine job at holding up their ends too. And of course Sam Elliott rocks our buttholes again. He always does.

9. The Searchers
John Wayne is coming in a little low on the list, but I felt it was necessary for him to make an appearance. I know he isn't the easiest actor to watch, partly because, well, he's terrible. But he did a good job in this movie, and it is without a doubt a Top Ten western.

10. Open Range
Yes, Kevin Costner! Bask in the glow of Costner! I know some people are gonna question this one being in the Top Ten, but that just means they haven't seen it. If they did, they would agree, because I'm right about this. It wails.

Barely missing the cut: Once Upon A Time in the West, Jeremiah Johnson, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Red River, How the West Was Won, Silverado. I've heard that some people would consider No Country for Old Men a western. I don't since its not set in the correct time period. But if I did, it would probably be Top Ten or close.

Post Script: Blazing Saddles is too cool for school.

Post, Post Script: Had Lonesome Dove not been a made for TV miniseries, I would have put that mother right up at No. 1. It rocks and should be required reading and watching for every citizen of our country.

Top Ten Movies of 2008

1. The Dark Knight
"Delta, that pick is mindless and lame for the No. 1 spot. Every person in the country would put that at No. 1." Well, fuck you.

2. Pineapple Express
When will Danny McBride get his own comedy? Okay, other than Foot Fist Way. But to be fair, no one saw that, which is a shame. Anyway, Pineapple Express is brilliant with a capital Fuck Yeah. James Franco is great, Seth Rogan is great… even Rosie Perez doesn't make you want to gouge your eyes out and bury them.

3. Kung Fu Panda
You know you loved it. Even after you told yourself you were gonna hate it.

4. In Bruges
FINALLY a movie with Colin Farrel that we can watch without first removing our brain!

5. Iron Man
This movie was so good that I watched it for the first time, left the theater, took a dump and then snuck back into the same theater to watch it again.

6. Wall-E
Like Idiocracy, I'm fairly positive that this is what the world is going to turn into. But with that said, this movie was so cute it made me want to vomit bunnies.

7. Transsiberian
Good crime drama with a good deal of suspense. Not really a fan of Woody, but the fact that he played a total wiener made me actually like the casting. Sir Ben Kingsley plays a pretty metal Russian too.

8. Let the Right One In
A really good and disturbing Vampire flick from Sweden. I don't know about you all, but anything with kids as the bad guys creeps me out.

9. The Spiderwick Chronicles
Another really good kid's movie for the year. It seems like there are more of these popping up, which I like. We seemed to be in a bit a of a drought for a while there, with some pretty lame movies aimed at kids.

10. Slumdog Millionaire
Kind low on the list, but I alway like to close these things off with a bang. Danny Boyle delivers again… this is one worth the hype. And just as a side note, R.J.'s Ghost is not jumping on the Danny Boyle train, we've been fans for years. I owned the "Choose Life…" poster in college. Trainspotting holla!

Barely missing the cut: Appaloosa, Son of Rambow, Ghost Town, The Bank Job, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Hellboy II, Horton Hears a Who!, and Role Models.

Post Script: The Ghosts have yet to watch The Wrestler, Trick R' Treat, Frost/Nixon, Baghead, Frozen River or Milk. So this list could be altered in the near future. And fuck Benjamin Button.

Post, Post Script: If anyone ever makes a sequel to the X-Files Movie, or a fourth Indiana Jones movie, let us know. I'll bet those movies would be awesome, those are way too good and important to fuck up.

With love and judgement,
The Delta Blues